I have not felt like a runner this week.
I have felt like... well, I have not been feeling a whole lot at all, except when the kids are around. During the day, I've been trying to stay focused less on feeling and more on doing, and what needs to be done. I even write notes to myself in case my mind wanders off and it needs to be refocused on specific tasks. Right now, on the pad to my left, is written the words "Your job today is to write articles." The sentence is in large letters, and underlined.
Under that, a smaller note says "File unemployement."
Last Friday, I lost my job. It was a surprise to me, though in retrospect I should have seen it coming. I should have been looking for another position some time ago, frankly, but instead I chose to work harder at doing an even better job in my existing position over finding a new post.
Ultimately, it was not to be, which is ok - though unpleasant, these things happen. But it does mean I've had to start looking for a new position immediately.
I am hopeful about my opportunities. What's more, I actually feel joyful not to be tethered to my last position anymore, for while there were many great people and benefits, the industry never really evoked as much passion in me as I would like.
By being released from that position, I feel like I am now free to make closer and closer approximations towards more true career goals.
But... back to the running. As I mentioned, I have not been feeling much like a runner... I have gone for short runs here and there, but nothing over 6 miles and probably no more than 12 miles total so far this week (YIKES!).
It's just hard to get out there for a quick run when there is so much to be done here at home. That said, I know we all have certain hobbies or activities that help keep our sanity and sense of balance; that provide a mental and physical break from other activities. For me, that is running... but of course, it's more than that.
It's also a reminder of who I am... what I love... what I'm here for. It reminds me of what's real, and takes my mind to what's important....
Family. Health. Happiness. Security. Living and loving with an open heart. Boldly and fiercely going in the direction of your dreams, and doing everything you can to achieve them.
I yearn to remember these things, to feel them.
My goal today is to continue writing articles - it says so on the pad on my left, you see - but if I accomplish what I need to there, I will take half the day tomorrow to run in the mountains under the sun.
|The views and the setting that will be mine once more|
It seems almost irresponsible to take half a day to do so, but the weekend will be be spent with the kids, with no breaks to be had... no, it must be tomorrow. Half a day to climb up ridges and skip over rocks. Half a day to sweat, trip, and stumble, to swat at flies and to dodge under branches. Half a day to run in my outdoor playground. Half a day to wake the runner within.
And then she can sleep again, when Monday comes, and the job hunt resumes in earnest... and for now, that is exactly as it must be.